FUN CORNER
You’ll be familiar with the immortal palindrome which was reputed to have been uttered by Napoleon Bonaparte , which goes ‘Able was I ere I saw Elba’ Now try reading the following gems backwards:-
‘Madam I’m Adam’
‘Niagara o roar again’
‘Sex at noon taxes’
‘Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas’
‘Marge lets Norah see Sharon’s telegram’
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama .
This one doesn’t make much sense yet but I’m working on it ‘Net for Edna we wander often’ or perhaps ‘Red dun ever of tenet for even udder’ or furthermore ‘Red negative node tsetse Les tested on Evita gender’ Now it’s getting ridiculous but it’s as much fun as crosswords -try it.

The Old Cowboy..


>An old cowboy sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his
>drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and
>asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
>He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
>going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
>calves,
>cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs,
>so I guess I am a cowboy."
>She said, "I'm a lesbian! I spend my whole day just thinking about women.
>As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I
>think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
>about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
>The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on
>the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He
>replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!"
>

 Thyme 4 a laff about Children
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, teletubbies or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve and the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
 THERE IS HOWEVER, REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 15 telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own
children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day. AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"
Sorry about that – we just had the grandchildren for three days solid.

Hope Im allowed an Irish joke for St Pats Day.

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

Agree with you on kids, Stymie, my youngest just turned 2, middle one (5) is a precious princess, and the teenager is a teenager. Quiet mummy time just doesnt exist, I gotta let down trousers, read a story and sing Twinkle Twinkle if ever I get a moment. In between building a fairy garden, helping the oldest with the worst dungeon on his game and counting toesies. Then they all want food, three different varieties of course, and my husband is wanting to know where I went..

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said,
"Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your head in!"

A lawyer and a Welshman are sitting next to each other on a long flight to Wales. The Welshman was trying to get a bit of shut eye but the lawyer tapped him on the shoulder and says "Hey, d'ya want to play a fun game". The Welshman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500.' As may be expected, this catches the Welshman's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the moon?' The Welshman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Welshman's turn and 5 minutes later he asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he knows. He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the British Library. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the Welshman and hands him £500. The Welshman pockets the £500 and goes straight back to sleep.

The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes the Welshman up and asks, 'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Welshman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

WORDPLAY

There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."

Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

In the general spirit of political correctness so characteristic of this thred, I offer the following, which arrived in my email this morning:

Opinion Poll

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest
opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

Good one John